The dream this morning was about my old Coast Guard Ship, USCGC STORIS, station in Kodiak, Alaska. I served on her many years ago for quite a long time. Those days were some of the best times in my 26 year military career. That historic and beloved ship was murdered in a Mexican scrap yard after her retirement several years ago. It is a long sordid story of deceit and government corruption. The whole incident is so painful that I cannot retell it. To tell it here again would be to relive it and I would be forced to drown my sorrows in booze.
In the dream I see myself at a seaport. There is a pier and an old bridge nearby. The bridge looks a lot like the Brooklyn bridge. Maybe I am in New York? My friend Jonathan is with me. I look down to the water and I see a ship moored there and I say to Jonathan, "Look it is a Coast Guard ship! It looks exactly like the ship I served on in the Coast Guard!". We both run down the pier. I took up to the bridge of the ship and I see a seaman standing there. I yell to him, "Permission to come aboard!" He gives me a look that is a combination of annoyance and disgust. He glares a me and decides to ignore me. A few crew members disembark and suddenly I watch the ship go through a mechanical transformation like some kind of Transformer robot. The Coast Guard Cutter becomes a tall mast sailing schooner. I am dumbstruck and wake up.
Today is Veteran's Day here is the U.S. and I am feeling a turmoil of emotions. No surprise that I have a dream related to significant part of my personal history. I got a plaque from my boss at Wal-Mart today for being an honourable serving veteran and a thank you for my service. It was nice and I could not hold back my tears. I think about all my fellow vets that are longer here and who will never get to enjoy the recognition. Better men who are real heroes are not here with us now.
A few years ago I was in Detroit and was in a restaurant, and met some fellow Coast Guardsmen. I tried to make small talk with them. They, like the seaman in my dream were not interested and were very cold toward me. I was polite toward them. I have been out of the service for so long that active duty people cannot relate to me or I to them very well it would seem.
I never served in combat. My service contribution is not regarded very highly by those who have served in war zones. I am seen as a second rate soldier and sailor by most of those who have been deployed. I feel shame in that so I don't much brag about my time in service. It is ironic I use battlebauble as my blog handle. I am BFF with irony.
The transformation of the cutter into schooner is an interesting aspect in this dream. Something modern becomes something archaic. Kind of like me. It was forced to reinvent myself once I retired from active duty. I went from being homeless to getting a place to live, a job and a wife. I am different now yet I am still old fashion me. I am rediscovering myself. So much of my identity was centred around my life as a service member. Now I am 35 years older and I work circles around 20 something's. I am a schooner sailing with battleships. I might not have the big guns, but damn, I get the job done and look classy, and historic while doing it.
There is an old saying that is used for a person who has achieved great success or a just reward, people say, "His ship came in". For me you could say my old ship came in and become an even older ship. For some their dream will arrived the way they expected it to, for others their dream will never arrive. For myself life and my dreams have unfolded in so many unexpected ways. The quality of the voyage seems more important than the final destination. As always, this is another dream that has left me pondering and perplexed about what to do with.
I am sleepy. It is time to sail away and see where the next dream takes me...
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