The dream today begins at a man made lake. It is early in the day. The water is calm. I have been to this lake before. I believe it to be a lake I have fished in the waking world called, Cornwall Flooding. I have driven here in my van. I am looking for a container of fishing worms I had on a previous trip to here. I give up looking because I know the worms would be long dead anyway. I cast out my fishing pole in the vain hope of getting a bite. I have no luck. I know the lake to be teeming with fish. If I have the right bait I could catch a fish. I have brought a ham sandwich and ponder using the ham as bait.
Next, I see an off-duty State police officer in his patrol car show up. He wants badly to do some fishing but he cannot while in his uniform. It would be against regulation. He comes over to me to inquire about the fishing. I think he is fishing to find some violation to arrest me and I feel very uneasy, all of the sudden, I am on a huge cargo ship at sea. I am in the sick bay visiting the ship's corpsman. She is giving me a dental exam. The exam is part of inducting me back into military service. Perhaps, this ship is part of the U.S. Military Sealift Command? They are responsible for delivering maritime services for the Navy and Department of Defence world wide. They have 110 ships.
The next person in line behind me is my old friend, Dan, from the Michigan National Guard. He is in his Army uniform. Strangely, I see Dan floating in the air about a foot above the deck. Dan looks pale he is like ghost. I think he is sea sick. The ship has been rocking and rolling from a hellish storm. Dan seems dazed and so out of it that he cannot recognize me even after being introduced by the doc. I am told to continue on in my in-processing. They want to transfer me to another ship in this wicked weather! I am suppose to leap over and down an open hatch on the forecastle of a ship on our port side. I time my leap for when the two ships are most level as they heave up and down. I dive head first down the hatch onto a rack (bed) in the crew berthing area. This is where I begin to sleep. I note most of the crew is too sick to stand watches. I saw such scenarios when I served in the U.S. Coast Guard on the rough seas of the Bering Strait . This is when I wake up.
Now, what to make of this dream? I used to love going fishing. Long ago when I had no bills, gas was cheap and I had money to spend. I would go out on my days off and fish all day. I miss those days. Winter makes me yearn for the warm days of summer and quiet healing moments in nature. I think my unconscious is seeking some equilibrium and respite from the cares of life too. I have been under a lot of pressure to get my girl her visa and to earn enough money to pay my bills. I see the police man as a symbol of that pressure. Ironically, I have sympathy for him. He is wanting the same things I want; some freedom to enjoy life. A synchronicity: my homeless case manager is a retired State policeman. He always portrays himself as sympathetic to my circumstances. I don't trust him just like I don't trust the cop in my dream!
I think I can write off the dental aspect of the dream to just general worry about my teeth. I have had so much pain and problems over the years. I obsess about my teeth even in my sleep. I once had an idea I was going to join the Merchant Marines when I left active duty service. I gave up that dream when I got engaged to my girl. I still long to go back to sea one last time. I miss the adventures and the experience of serving on a ship in spite of the fact I spent so much of my time at sea with god awful sea sickness. Funny, I should see Dan here! Strange that he does not recognize me. I miss hanging out with my old friend. He is still serving and I am a civilian again. We both live and work in different worlds now. I rarely see or hear him now. I suppose my unconscious thinks he has lost his memory of me.
The imagery of the ships heaving up and down beside each other I think is symbolic of the fluctuations in my life. I have many ups and downs in my world lately. It looks like another example of my unconscious seeking a middle path of comfort. This is why I am diving into that rack or bed at the end of the dream. All the stress I have been feeling is having unseen effects on my psyche, I think. I may look all calm, cool and collected on the outside, but my inner self is taking a beating.
Maybe I need to a good cry or to get angry, or I need to express, and release my emotions in a demonstrative healthy manner and this will put balance into my being? This is something I really need to think about. I have always been guarded with my emotions. I always try to let logic and my intellect rule every decision. Emotions are a messy business. Unchecked passions can be dangerous. I need to work at finding the solution that best suits me. I will be giving this some deep consideration in the coming days, months and years. Well, I could always take up some kind of addiction and kill these impulses. That's how most people deal with it. I might be doing this already and I'm not even consciously aware it. Damn! I need to be scrutinizing myself a lot more closely. Must. Open. Eyes. Hmmm!
No comments:
Post a Comment