Cave Man Blues

The dream I want to recount this time is not recent. It is set in the prehistoric past and the dream occurred a few years ago after a long night of meditation. I am firmly convinced it is a memory of a past life. It was a highly emotionally charged experience and one I will not soon forget.

The period is over 30,000 years ago in what is now the Alpine region between Italy and Austria. I am an early homo sapiens hunter. I am a young male and in my early twenties perhaps. I have blondish hair and a beard, and dressed in furs. I have been traveling with two much younger females. They may be sisters or even my daughters . We are the last of our clan to have survived the brutal winter. I feel a deep sense of sadness and strong desire to survive and protect my girls. It means everything.

Time flashes forward. I see myself hunting in the mountains with a young boy. Large game as been hard to find and kill. I have found us a perfect ambush spot. It is a stone arch over looking a game trail. The boy and I are hunting wild mountain Ibexes. They have huge heavy scimitar like horns. My intent is to sink a spear down into the back of one as it walks down the trail beneath us. However, I stumble as I rise to cast my spear and I slide down the rock face and I fracture my right ankle.

This is not good! This sort of injury at this time in human history can be fatal. Somehow, by some miracle, I do manage to survive this injury but I become a cripple for the rest of my life and walk with a severe limp. My days as a hunter are through. Fortunately, I can still contribute to the survival of family because of my expert skill at flint knapping and spear making. I live on for many more years longer than might be expected.

The clan has been growing. I see 10-12 people. There are Neanderthals in our group! What a nice surprise! Our two species banded together in this small group to help each other to survive. Other humans were so few that we needed each other to survive in this place at this time. We became a family. At this point I must be about 30 something years old. I am unbelievably old for this time in human history. I have greying hair and I am dying. The family is looking on. They stare at me with deep heart felt sadness. They love me in such an innocent and genuine way that nothing in modern society can compare to this experience. I am lying by a log next to a fire as I watch their faces. There will be much crying after I die.

Early in this life I provide for them and later in this life they provide, and cared for me. They will have to live on without me. I am deeply sad and feel like I am letting them down. This life is setting me on a karmic path for all my future lives down to my present incarnation. My mission never seems to have a satisfactory end. Someone is always needing me and I let them down, or fail them. I must make some moral choice that may or may not be correct, or goes on to have a good outcome. Each successive lifetime is an opportunity to try to perfect this perennial fate. Perhaps, now that I am consciously aware this situation I can create a whole new narrative to my karmic story. I would sure like to think so.