Cop Cadet

The dream this morning had me in an auditorium. It is my first day as a new recruit police officer cadet and I hear my name called to come up to the front stage. A man is there with a table with stacks of new uniforms. The uniforms are rather crude and are made from denim. Ironically, the uniforms look more like convict outfits rather than what you might expect a cop cadet uniform should look like.

The cop cadre person hands me pants and shirts, and tells me to go try them on. He points behind him to a dressing room. However, I misunderstand his instruction and I begin to strip off my civilian clothes right then and there. Suddenly, I hear voices behind me and I turn my head around to see more instructors seated at a long table looking at papers. One woman is glaring disapprovingly at me over the rims of her bifocals. She is clearly upset and about to go ballistic on me. That is when I wake up.

Last night I heard the news about another white cop shooting a black motorist. I am sure a thought was planted into my unconscious about how cops are trained and that prompted this dream. Again I feel insecure and have a distinct sense of being scrutinized and vulnerability.

I am tired of being like this in my dreams and in the waking world. I need a success to bolster my confidence. I want to have dreams of victory not dreams of defeat. Life seems so oppressive here of late. I need to change this and find a way to empower myself.

The police academy aspect of this dream brings a certain philosophy or concept to my mind. One word in fact comes to my thought and that word is legalism. Legalism has two definitions:

1. Legal:  strict adherence, or the principle of strict adherence, to law or prescription, especially to the letter rather than the spirit.

 

2. Theological:  a. the doctrine that salvation is gained through good works. b. the judging of conduct in terms of adherence to precise laws.

 

The dream suggests, to me, that I am baring my naked true self to criticism both internally and externally. There is a sense that I am yielding to the letter of the Law in both the legal and spiritual sense, but that a small part of me resists being constrained by social norms. I wanting to subject myself to a high standard of behaviour and conduct.

I am feeling the pressure and it is doing things to me on conscious and unconscious levels. I need to step back and really give some deep thought about what is going on with me and how to best respond to all of this. I need some time to meditate. Life has been too busy. A trip out to nature is what I want and need. I best do it sooner rather than later.